Changes

The world around us is constantly evolving and changing. Our lives, too, are in a constant state of flux. Some people manage to maintain a nice rut down which they continue to travel day after day, year after year.

My life has seen a boatload of changes in the last 2 months. Graduating from college (finally) was great, but I’ve been in the education system for the past 21 years. I’ve lived in an apartment before for a couple of months, but it was with other people. My girlfriend used to be a 1 minute walk from my room, and I’d usually see her a few times a day, but now I’m lucky if we get to talk to each other beyond a couple of texts during the week. I had a large support group of friends that I’d see frequently and hang out with often, but now I’m in a new city with fewer of those people around.

You may think that I’m just complaining. And you’re right, I am. I can deal well with change on a small scale, but large scale changes like this have a tendency to rattle me. I can think of 2 other times in my life where I had something major change in my life, and those were the two times where I sunk extremely low into depression.

So what can be done?

Well, this morning, I decided to make changes of my own. If life is going to completely revamp itself around me, then I’m going to make some modifications of my own. Some to combat gloomy feelings, some to improve myself, and some just because I want to make them. Adding a list here so that those of you that actually read my blog can help keep me accountable.

• Read more. I’ve had a book sitting next to my chair since I moved in, and haven’t touched it. That changes tonight.
• Continue to exercise. I discovered that many of my weight loss goals were achievable by simply watching what and how much I ate. I’d still like to get into better shape, however, so I’ll be restarting P90X.
• Run. This goes along with the exercising. One of my goals for this year was to run a mile, and I was so dang close before school sucked up my time. … ok, it wasn’t just school. But whatever. Plus, running in the hot & humid weather will help me sweat more, which leads to more weight loss (and hopefully fat loss too). Can’t beat that, right?
• Improve my patience. “Improve” is probably the wrong word to use. “Develop” is better, since I really don’t have any patience whatsoever. I like things done now, done right the first time, thank you very much. I don’t like waiting, and it’s something that I’ve been working on for years. Taking time to calm myself, to read, to meditate, and to distance myself from our instant-gratification Internet (more on that in a bit) will help.
• Focus my imagination. A byproduct of my impatience is my hyper-active imagination. It’s part of the reason I like reading so much; I’m able to augment a description with my own imagery. It’s also why I don’t like movies based on books, as they usually ruin my depictions. I’ve always wanted to write a book… I actually have a series of 8 books planned out, and I just need to put the pen to paper (or, more likely, fingers to keyboard) and do it. Who cares if it sells? I can say I wrote a book. That’d be an amazing accomplishment.
• Kitchen experiments. I’ve always loved cooking, but never had a good opportunity or the motivation. Since I’ve been at the apartment, I’ve made some great stuff… until yesterday. Simultaneously burned and undercooked the chicken, and managed to ruin one of my pots that I was cooking pasta in (Parmesan cheese is seriously like glue. It’s absolutely surreal). I’ve still got a bunch of ideas, and will continue to tackle 2-3 every week.
• Disconnect. By being on social media all the time, I’m able to keep up with what’s going on with all of my friends back home, or wherever they are for the summer. But truthfully… do I need to be on them constantly? No. Something that will help with that is…
• Turn off the TV. Even when there’s nothing on, I’ll just sit in front of my TV and watch random garbage. Turning the TV off will allow me time to read, to exercise, and…
• Play more guitar, and make it worthwhile. I’ll go upstairs and noodle on the guitar for a while, but nothing meaningful will come out of it. I’ve lost my motivation to play guitar for a couple reasons over the past few months, and finally broke free of them this weekend (community of people more obsessed with the gear rather than the music). I’ll hook up the recording setup, and start keeping track of things I play. I’ll practice with a purpose, improving my skills. I’ll learn songs I’ve wanted to learn for a while and just never bother with. I’ll get better.
• Go to church. I haven’t honestly set foot in a church for weekend worship services since mid February. There have been a bunch of reasons for it, none of them worth repeating because their stupid. A friend has been inviting me to her church in the new city for 2 weeks, and I’ve honestly been unavailable. That changes this weekend.

Life is far too short for depression to get in the way, for me to sit in front of my TV all evening, or to stop caring about things I’m passionate about because I’d rather take easier ways out. Making these changes in my life can combat all of those and more. So hold me accountable. If I’m tweeting too much, or camping on Facebook, or whatever… yell at me. Seriously, you have my full permission.